Earlier today, I was in the Apple Store, minding my own business. I was waiting for my mum to come and meet me, when all of a sudden a large group of 5 to 7 year olds in school uniform flood the iPad mini section. In a similar fashion, confusion flooded my brain. There are… children… in the Apple Store? Who approved this?
Two Apple Store employees wearing yellow shirts approach them. They’re instructors! The visit *was* sanctioned! These children are on a school trip to the Apple Store! As much as I approve of teaching children that Apple knows best, do it in private! The last thing I need in my place of worship are rowdy, excitable youngsters!
One of the Apple Store instructors then clips a microphone onto their shirt and says “Good morning!” to the children. The children respond in kind, only much louder. “GOOD MORNING!” The instructor commits the cardinal sin of replying “What was that? I can’t hear you! Good morning everyone!” The children take this opportunity to deafen St. David’s 2 shopping centre and scream back in a volume until now considered impossible for the human voice to reach – “GOOD MORNING!” Silence falls across the store as the other shoppers look around in disgust, their ears recovering from the assault. A few of us glance at each other, briefly making eye contact – eye contact of solidarity. We just wanted a nice, peaceful morning browse in the Apple Store. What did we do to deserve this?
The children are then shown the various pieces of software that they will be using throughout the day. They laugh at the “hilarious” iMovie trailer. The iMovie trailer is not hilarious. They scream and cheer as they learn they’ll be making something similar soon. They continue shouting at random intervals, leaving people no time to prepare, damaging the hearing of anybody within a 5 mile radius.
Thankfully, my mum arrives just in time, so I have a legitimate reason to abandon my church. We quickly leave to buy some ear plugs.
I returned about an hour later for a Genius Bar appointment. The children were still there. Still shouting, screaming, laughing. Disgusting.