Rhys For Pope!

Further to the shocking news that Pope Benedict XVI has decided to retire from being the Pope, I have decided to announce my candidacy for the position. Whilst I may not be Catholic, I feel I am a suitable replacement for Pope Benedict.

First of all, I am only 18 years old. Therefore, I wouldn’t have the problem of “being too old” for the job for at least 70 years. This would give me a long time to implement positive changes to the world. Also, I don’t have quite the negative background that Pope Benedict has. I have not been a part of the Hitler Youth, for example.

As Pope, my first act would be to set up an inquiry into the paedophilia scandal which has tarnished the Catholic church in recent years. I would employ non-Catholic church members, to ensure independence in the matter. I would be sure to hand all information over to the relevant authorities.

My second act as Pope would be to announce a reversal in policy for the Catholic church. It will no longer be against homosexuality. We will announce full support for gay marriage. I might also decide to rename marriage as “gay marriage”, so all straight people who were married in the Catholic church will now be “gay married”.

I would also reverse the Catholic church’s position on use of condoms and other forms of contraception, encouraging their use. We would also reject the idea that sex before marriage is morally superior – this is an outdated, sex-negative concept. Of course, if people choose to remain celibate, that’s their own business, but we certainly wouldn’t demand people remain so. These policies would hopefully help to reduce the rate of new HIV infections from unsafe sex.

The final policy I am announcing now is complete support for equality in the Church. People will not be denied specific positions in the Church because of their gender identity, sexuality, race etc. They will be judged on merit alone.

If you agree that these measures would be beneficial, help spread my campaign to become Pope by tweeting this blogpost and using the hashtag #RhysForPope

Thank you for your support, everyone.

2 Responses to “Rhys For Pope!”

  1. Joe March 31, 2013 at 11:32 pm #

    You’re an idiot. Religion is the fraud of the Age. It detaches humanity from the natural world and one another, it reinforces blind submission to authority, and it reduces human responsibility for the destruction of our world through the delusion that God controls everything. Fuck the Pope. Fucking oligarch.

  2. Geordie February 11, 2013 at 9:38 pm #

    You’d have my support, Rhys, but Father Dougal Maguire has my vote in the bag. I’d heard the Pope chucked it after speaking to Dougal, who put him straight on a few ecumenical matters. After all, Bishop Eddie O’Neill renounced religion after speaking to Dougal.

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